in its time

Okay, so it's been a while. And by a while I mean 3 months since the last post. I've honestly been struggling with not wanting to share our lives through writing - mostly because I cannot write as if I’m super happy when things have been tough. It seems January, February and now March have passed by us so quickly - months holding much uncertainty and – selfishly on my part – sadness.

I’ve been searching for a potential job position apart from my internship and have had everything but luck. I’ve been led down paths to only become disappointed, discouraged, and insecure in my ability to have a wonderful and passion-filled career. Jacob and I have been unsuccessful in finding a church community that we can truly connect with and be transparent with. We had what seemed like grandiose plans to move into Atlanta when I found a job that would allow us financially to do so. We are frustrated. We are sad. We are consumed by thoughts of “if only..” We have allowed this negativity, lack of community, and anxiety of finances to (understandably) affect our marriage - the way we respect and love one another.


 I need a break. We need rest.


And so - today I finally felt like writing. I knew that meant my perspective had been refocused and my heart finally softened.  It really wasn’t until this week that I began to feel at peace about our current circumstances, but I also wasn’t sure I’d ever feel at peace with them. I’ve taken a break from researching job openings, from networking, from interviewing. I’m finally trusting God that we will one day find community, we have embraced the idea of staying in Roswell if necessary, and I am fully trusting my husband’s leadership. Jacob had been trying to get across that God was protecting us for the past months– for whatever reason we do not understand now – he is protecting us and building us. We must be content with all he has provided for us apart from worldly things. And I finally get that.


Oftentimes I struggle to perceive anything joyful or potentially good during a series of let downs.  But this week God allowed me to see past our circumstances and to see past the “what if” and “if only.” He’s given me the greatest picture of his love for me – Jacob. A husband who has been praying for me daily, who has managed to continue encouraging me despite my sadness, and who always reminds me that his plan is for us is good. It is so good. Thank you God.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11

love, the stagnaros.