doubt

Thank you to my thoughtful friend Maddie for the surprise birthday gift of A Confident Heart bible study. The front of the book reads "How to Stop Doubting Yourself & Live in the Security of God's Promises" - At which I first doubted this book would actually challenge me to do (whoops).


I, like many other women, have struggled with confidence and insecurities for much longer than I can say but have never read a book addressing solely doubt – both self doubt and doubt that God is my trust. I think somewhere along the way I decided not to confront insecurities head on with Godly confidence because I managed to doubt that I could handle recognizing how all the insecurities fueled my sin. I realized within the first few pages that this book applied to me more than I thought it would– which was both humbling and strangely reassuring. Although I'm only on chapter 3 of this study I have already been so encouraged by the consistent message that God's love is perfect, I don't have to be - along with the many other promises throughout the rest of the study. 

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. Jeremiah 17:7 

Today I was challenged to actually live knowing my trust is the Lord. Despite my natural tendency to be anxious and crave control of my life - I'm praying for patience and the strength to trust the promise that he does not fail as I fail. I'm also praying for other women in my life who are lost in insecurity whether from a relationship, the world's standards, or from the desire to be in control. God's love is perfect - you don't have to be.




Love, the stagnaros 

 

easter sunday

"So the Jews said to him, "What sign do you show us for doing these things?" Jesus answered them, "Destroy the temple, and in three days I will raise it up." The Jews then said, "It has taken forty-six years to build this temple, and will you raise it up in three days?" But he was speaking about the temple of his body. When therefore he was raised from the dead, his disciples remembered that he had said this, and they believed the Scripture and the word that Jesus had spoken." John 2:18-22

Psalm 61:2

"From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

Luke 22:42

"...yet not my will, but yours be done.”

January, February, March..

I did forget to mention a few awesome things that happened in January, February and mid March.  So, here is that season in photographs.

You guessed it. We adopted a kitten on February 8th and named him Chaco. He's ridiculously cute.

Jacob set up an indoor picnic for us for our first Valentine's Day since it was super cold outside. And yes, that's Chaco in the basket.

 We added another pin to our map for Jake's spring break - Jackson Hole, WY.

 

We had a great time visiting with Colby and Lucy, skiing (.. and falling a lot), snowshoeing, and looking for wolves and moose. It was awesome.

 

And THIS girl just found out she was accepted to UGA! So proud and pumped for her! 

God's timing is perfect.

love, the stagnaros

in its time

Okay, so it's been a while. And by a while I mean 3 months since the last post. I've honestly been struggling with not wanting to share our lives through writing - mostly because I cannot write as if I’m super happy when things have been tough. It seems January, February and now March have passed by us so quickly - months holding much uncertainty and – selfishly on my part – sadness.

I’ve been searching for a potential job position apart from my internship and have had everything but luck. I’ve been led down paths to only become disappointed, discouraged, and insecure in my ability to have a wonderful and passion-filled career. Jacob and I have been unsuccessful in finding a church community that we can truly connect with and be transparent with. We had what seemed like grandiose plans to move into Atlanta when I found a job that would allow us financially to do so. We are frustrated. We are sad. We are consumed by thoughts of “if only..” We have allowed this negativity, lack of community, and anxiety of finances to (understandably) affect our marriage - the way we respect and love one another.


 I need a break. We need rest.


And so - today I finally felt like writing. I knew that meant my perspective had been refocused and my heart finally softened.  It really wasn’t until this week that I began to feel at peace about our current circumstances, but I also wasn’t sure I’d ever feel at peace with them. I’ve taken a break from researching job openings, from networking, from interviewing. I’m finally trusting God that we will one day find community, we have embraced the idea of staying in Roswell if necessary, and I am fully trusting my husband’s leadership. Jacob had been trying to get across that God was protecting us for the past months– for whatever reason we do not understand now – he is protecting us and building us. We must be content with all he has provided for us apart from worldly things. And I finally get that.


Oftentimes I struggle to perceive anything joyful or potentially good during a series of let downs.  But this week God allowed me to see past our circumstances and to see past the “what if” and “if only.” He’s given me the greatest picture of his love for me – Jacob. A husband who has been praying for me daily, who has managed to continue encouraging me despite my sadness, and who always reminds me that his plan is for us is good. It is so good. Thank you God.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11

love, the stagnaros.

john 3:30